MY PAST MY STRENGTH (LET YOUR PAST MAKE YOU BETTER NOT BITTER)

I regret nothing in my past these days because God has formed who I am today from it and I look forward to a glorious future ahead. God has helped me so far to see the good side in every situation that comes my way. I have had so many lessons to learn from all my past experiences which has built my courage and self esteem. I have learnt that the past is the biggest teacher in life. Although there are so many occurrences that makes me feel like turning back the hands of time at times but I can't stop thanking God for giving the grace to be who I am today through the knowledge of his love and mercy for mankind.

I grew up getting angry with myself and my environment because I thought it is not what it should have been. Starting from being a slow learner to being the dullest in my class in primary school to being abused at a tender age which open a sad chapter in my life and for being cheated by everyone in my secondary school days because of my low self esteem. My parents separation while I was in my final year in secondary school at the age of seventy was the peak of it. The separation started another chapter of my life and gave a new definition to life and living.

Although I have been a christian all my life, I go to church so much and it seemed I knew God as I should. I was conversant with the ten commandments but I never knew God in the real sense of faith. When I look at some of my mates back then, I would always wish I was in their position because their parents were together and life seems really fair to them.

My low self esteem grew to a level that I saw everyone better than me so I always taught the best was not good for me. I thought I was unfortunate, I never knew I could even be a graduate after I had failed my senior secondary school exams five times and I couldn't even speak good English not to talk of writing it. I sat for exams In fear during my university days always thinking that I can't go through it. I still remember my second year when I went  home to tell my mum that I wanted to change to another course but believe me I had no idea what course I was going to change to but I was scared of failure as everyone I had as friends were at the top of the class and even younger than me. I attributed my failure to circumstances around me and concluded that I was not destined to succeed.

The day I got my law school result remained the happiest day of my life. It was like the first exam I have ever written. I had gotten the news of the release of our result for almost one week but I was scared to check. I called my younger brother who was at that time a medical student at the Obafemi Awolowo university, Ile-Ife, Nigeria, to help me check it and asked him not to call me if I failed. After a while, he called back and said "CONGRATULATIONS" it was the best news I have ever gotten in my life. I had visualized an end to my life, I thought I will never amount to anything, I thought I was so unfortunate, I cried and cried and cried all night like a baby. I was so grateful to God and I an still thanking him because after that day, my life never remained the same. It remains my happiest day. It was a great achievement, out of about 3000 students all over Nigeria, over 1200 failed and I of all people made it. It was amazing. I celebrated myself and it opened a new chapter of my life.

I began to see a new me and I could do things I ordinarily won't do. This great event helped me so much during my NY SC days. I confidently took the position of the financial secretary for the legal aid group of batch B 2008/2009 NYSC Awka and was later choose as the vice president of the group when the first elected man was inactive. It was a great experience and I enjoyed leading. We engaged in some pet works like free Legal service to some inmates at Awka prison and the one I enjoyed most was the care programme for the motherless kids at various motherless babies homes and this brought about the registration of my NGO after the service year.

I successfully completed my NYSC and continued to build on my dreams and ambition to work hard and build my NGO while I further my education but little did I know the Importance of giving God the total control of one's plans in life. I has plans to do a lot and I was working hard to achieve them. I was a praying christian and a bible reader but I was taking my decisions and praying too but never waited to hear God's response. I left places on my own free will and never asked God if I should.

At a point, I got stocked and it seemed life had ended. In the mist of that river, I meet my husband and got married. It was another dream come true. I was glad to be a mother after about 13 months as I witness another great moment of my life. Yes I became a wife and a mother, I have made mistakes in the past, it all looked like nothing would work again but I  must not fail in this new chapter of my life. Then I realized I needed God more than I have ever known Him. God gave me a teacher who was my head of of department in church. I enjoyed every moment I had to learn God's word under his ministration and it helped me  to dig deep into the word every day. I got to know better about the taught of God for me which is the best and not a miserable life, I realized how peculiar I am, someone who is to show forth the glory of God. My life changed. I can talk about my past, I could finally forgive for those things I can't discuss with any man. I could lay my past behind, I have picked my lessons from all my mistakes and start a new chapter as I look forward to a glorious future ahead. My name is Abimbola Mustapha, I manage this blog.

No one else can heal the wound from your past experiences, believe me it could be hard to forgive but when you give God a change, He will heal you. Thank you for reading this Have you been blessed by this story? Send yours and lets help someone together with our stories.